The Centenarian
A story about a life in 1000 words
0: Born blue and bloody but determined.
1: His father leaves. Both he and his mother progress on fumbling feet.
2: An age of denials for both mother and son.
3: The boyfriend year. Sesame Street parents an oblivious child.
4: In kindergarten, he discovers his fists earn respect.
5: He wears the label “the bad kid” proudly.
6: His second father arrives. Beatings arrive with him.
7: He is now a conduit for violence: step-father to classmate
8: His mother calls it moving cities. But they are fleeing.
9: A year on the road. The step-father pursues.
10: Another city. Another father. Another home where he doesn’t fit.
11: His first time on the street. His third father finds him.
12: In and out of school. Mostly out.
13: Again the streets. Again beatings. This time, he beats back.
14: He finds people who appreciate his violence. It pays now.
15: The money. The cops. He chases one. Flees the other.
16: Juvie.
17: Back out. Back to it. Smarter now. Canny.
18: Another arrest. His mother weeping. Too old for juvie now.
19: The worst year. He will try to forget it and never will
20: He does what he must to earn respect. His sentence lengthens.
21: Head down. Serve the time. Get through.
22: Head down. Serve the time. Get through.
23: Then, from nowhere: theater. An outlet he never asked for.
24: More acting. A voice he didn’t know he carried calls out.
25: Release. Line cook. Trying to find acting gigs. Failing
26: Long hours. Frustration. Burned knuckles that tempt him.
27: In the gym now. Boxing. Releasing energy. Still failing to act.
28: Boxing more. Boxing better. Getting noticed.
29: Small fights he’s too old for. He doesn’t care.
30: Still swinging. Still cooking. Everything moving towards a boil.
31: A chance. He’s in contention. He upsets it all.
32: Big money now. Hangers on. His mom’s back. Screw her.
33: More money. More fights. Fame. Women. Girls. Drugs. Oh, the drugs.
34: Descent. Swirling loss. Still swinging. But missing.
35: Rehab. Recovery. Forced to confront things, he turns away.
36: A year of swearing it’s a comeback. It’s not.
37: Rehab again. Hangers on not hanging so tightly now.
38: Rehab again. It better stick.
39: Somehow, unexpectedly, theater again. Fame makes it harder. But he’s a fighter.
40: He gets an acting coach, does a cameo. He isn’t awful.
41: The big Hollywood break. A comedy vehicle. With four flat tires.
42: Retreat. In the corner. Bleeding. Tempted. Scared of rehab again.
43: Another shot at acting. Smaller this time. A jab not a haymaker.
44: More small roles. A little grudging respect earned.
45: Does a theater festival. Loves it more than the audience does.
46: Head down. Still swinging.
47: Writes a memoir. Tells all.
48: His mother sues.
49: Old injuries add up. But he’s determined.
50: Surely over the hill now. Surely done.
51: One last chance. One big role. Once more center stage. And somehow, victory.
52: Oscars buzz. Groundless, but nice anyway.
53: More acting. How is this his life?
54: Girls now. Then drugs again. Then rehab again.
55: Scared straight. Finds God. Clinches it like he’s in the ring with it.
56: Sober. Still scared. Still working. Then, unexpected as theater, love.
57: Dodging paparazzi. Regretting fame. Clutching at love.
58: Marriage. Him. Now. At this age. So much bliss.
59: Then not bliss. Then rows. Then divorce. More paparazzi. Faith KO’d.
60: Roles dry up. So: reality shows. Apparently he dances now.
61: More TV. More humiliation with a wry grin. He’s a lovable rogue.
62: Another memoir. Another court case.
63: His mother passes. He stands beside a grave, fists balled, uncertain who to swing at.
64: More TV. Apparently he hosts things, now.
65: Old injuries continue to accrue. Drugs beckon. He retreats.
66: Old stories find fresh life in the media. He’s still a rogue. But no longer lovable.
67: A man alone in his house.
68: Still alone.
69: Still.
70: How is this his life?
71: An attempt at a return. Public apologies. No one cares, though.
72: Another memoir. There’s no one left to sue though.
73: Then, unexpected as it always seems to be: acting again. A throwaway phrase saves him: “Why don’t you teach?”
74: He teaches. Suddenly people care. Not many. But he finds he doesn’t need many.
75: More teaching. Old injuries don’t hurt so much.
76: A return to jail. Voluntary this time. A teacher, not an inmate.
77: A student wins an award. Thanks him publicly. A rogue redeemed.
78: He opens an acting school. Him. How is this his life?
79: More students. Other teachers. Bustle. Joy.
80: On the heels of joy, love? Except he doesn’t trust it.
81: She perseveres. Keeps swinging, gets under his guard.
82: Marriage. Again. At his age. She says, why not? So does he.
83: Bliss.
84: And still bliss.
85: Semi-retirement. Watching plays. Watching boxing matches. Resting.
86: Finally, after decades: a happy groove.
87: Watching plays. Watching students. Resting.
88: One last invitation. One last chance to act. He hesitates, skittish of the limelight. His wife tells him that’s not who he is.
89: So: one last acting gig. And they love him.
90: Oscars buzz again. Just as nice again. Still not real.
91: More acting. Wasn’t he meant to be resting?
92: Then: his wife, sick. Then sicker. Then…
93: He mourns.
94: A mix of wonder and horror that he is still here.
95: More invitations to act. He accepts. What else does he have to do?
96: He is invited to talk at festivals. Apparently he is an elder statesman now.
97: And he is still swinging.
98: Still swinging.
99: He’s tired now. Alone in the ring. The audience has gone home. Still swinging.
100: The final bell rings. He looks around. Has he won?
Thank you for reading Something’s a Little Off. Fun fact: I have a novella coming out on September 15th. You can pre-order it today.